after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize