I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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