By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
