Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
