oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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