Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize