I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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