Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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