after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
