I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
