he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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