But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
