Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
