that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Are we still banned from the library?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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