I'm really into asian looking animals
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
