So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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