R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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