Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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