I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My ATM looks so different sober.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
