Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
