I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
