32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
