Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
