she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
