I want to have your abortion
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
