Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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