he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
