party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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