Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
