Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
