You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
