No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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