I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
