JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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