There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize