By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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