Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize