i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think your dad took our porno
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
