Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize