This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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