When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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