I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
