Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
