My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
