Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
