my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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