About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
