i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
