Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
