For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
