did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
