Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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