if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
