paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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