I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
