Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
