the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
