My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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