When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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