when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
