Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize