why didn't you poke me back
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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