brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
