He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
