Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So here I am, sexting at work.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
