i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just googled if crying burns calories
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
